Closing The Chapter, Closing The Book

You may be wondering why you’re seeing so many book related posts on here recently. Isn’t this supposed to be a blog page? Aren’t you focused on mental health and wellness?

Yes, yes indeed!

If we compare our lives to a book, there are many chapters. The time we scraped our knee as a child. The memory of a favorite birthday. Those tough lessons we learned when we hit puberty and our body started changing. The high school chapter. The chapter where we first realized we were actually the adult in the room. The many chapters where we grieved losses and learned painful lessons.

They all make up a beautiful story, full of twists, and lovable, recurring characters. And certainly, no shortage of villains.

If I had to give a title to the last two years of my life, it would be:

“Tearing It All Down.”

Throughout this pandemic, we have all faced so much, learned so much and changed more than we ever thought possible.

For me, personally, it has involved a lot of alone time, a lot of books and a lot of reflection. My priorities have shifted tremendously. Goals that I had been so laser focused on achieving lost their meaning and I found myself consistently asking the same question:

What am I’m stressing about, and why?

I’ve worked in many industries and in every role, I have confirmed that the “why” behind what I’m doing is more important than the actual thing I’m doing.

Smiling at a customer so they’ll buy more product they don’t need?

Not me.

Smiling at an individual to help reassure them so we can get to the root of their problem?

Very much me.

But one thing that stays true through every job I’ve ever had – from scrubbing toilets to scrubbing policies: I love anything that involves words.

And that isn’t an accident.

Working with words and books and all things writing ignites something in me. It’s what I’m doing when I lose track of time. It’s the item on my task list that I pick up when I am avoiding the others. It’s what I’m doing if there is absolutely no reward or compensation involved. I’m writing in my head even when I’m not writing on paper.

But whenever I looked at my own writing, I could never connect

sharing it with a tangible “why.”

I didn’t believe that my writing had value in the external world. Even though I consider the books I read to be life changing.

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In early 2020, in the face of stay-at-home orders, rising anxiety, and the never-ending refrain of “essential worker,” I was faced with the much deeper question of what I considered essential and—"why.”

The opportunity to upend your life and live your dream doesn’t come around that often. Deaths from COVID, illnesses, and freak accidents put things into perspective for me.

I hit the depths and came to the surface knowing that writing would always be something that I would spend the rest of my life figuring out how to do. It would always be with me. It would always be the thing I regretted not doing more of.

So, in a space full of intense anger, grieving and self-discovery, I had to face the reality that writing is not just a hobby for me.

There is no guarantee how long I will live.

I don’t want to spend any more time doing things I don’t enjoy

for reasons that don’t matter to me.

With that shift in perspective, I let go of the safety net of my day job. The one that used to be my highest goal. I said goodbye to the career I have been so proud to have.

It was a terrifying decision, but I knew it would be the decision I would forever return to.

The “why” is so startling obvious, so simple.

Why? Because it’s what I love.

And what I love has intrinsic value.

So here I am, closing this chapter of my life. No more day job. I have entered the freelance world headfirst. I am leaping out into the great unknown. It is exhilarating and it feels right.

This means you’ll see me trying new things. Experimenting with new content, new services, new ventures. But most importantly – you’ll see me living and connecting with my “why”!

I am not just closing the chapter.

I am closing the book on an old way of living.

I’m so fucking excited to open a new book, to a fresh page, and write the future I dream.