Coping With Rough Days

How do you handle Rough Days?

We all have them – days when our emotions run extremely high or low. Sometimes we are just in a funk. Other times, we are unable to get out of bed to care for ourselves or others.

Rough Days can be especially debilitating with the trauma we are currently living through. There is so much uncertainty, so much suffering. Not knowing what the future holds is terrifying.

We have all developed coping skills that allow us to keep living when we are sad, angry, anxious, or overwhelmed.

Here I’d like to share some of the coping mechanisms that have helped me.

I am not saying that any of these coping mechanisms will suddenly make things all better. It’s not about fixing everything.

It’s about existing in the moment.

It’s about doing what you can to survive and gathering the strength to keep going.

There is no magic number of deep breaths that will pay your bills. No dance move you can do that will absolve you of your responsibilities.

Living through a global crisis is exhausting. None of the things I list here will stop the pandemic or fix broken relationships.

They are just the things that help me survive Rough Days. If I burn out, the world suffers from my absence.

So, on Rough Days I remind myself:

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

– Audre Lorde

This list is not mental health advice from a professional. Everyone needs to find what works for them. What I’m sharing might not work for you, or might even sound silly. That is OK. You can disregard everything I say. Please find the support and lifestyle that works for you and helps you.

You are worth all the work it takes to figure out how to keep moving in this life.

So, now that your expectations are appropriately tempered, here are a few things that help me get through Rough Days:

1. Notice something

This one takes least amount of energy. I find myself using this when I am at my lowest. At these times, just the idea of moving is exhausting. Being productive is simply out of the question. So, all I try to do is notice something new. This very act of just noticing instead of doing can feel indulgent.

One time, it was listening to the sound my chia seeds made when I sprinkled them into yogurt. It was like the softest rain stick you ever heard, the gentlest fall, the most peaceful moment.

Noticing this didn’t bring me out of my depression, but it did allow me to step away from the intensity of my feelings for a moment. This mental exercise serves as a reminder that I won’t always feel Bad, even if every hour feels like forever and every day feels like a gray nightmare.

2. Music

Music lives beyond words and understanding. When I need a boost, I pick a song that I know will lift me up. From mellow beats that remind me to breathe, to bad ass ballads, music helps. It’s not about changing my mindset from Bad to Good. It’s about getting through the Bad.

3. Dancing

Of course, music brings the beauty of dance. Getting up and moving my body clears out the stagnant energy in my bones. Whether it’s a simple two step that reminds me I’m alive, or a cardio jam session that gets me out of breath, movement helps. There have been times when I actually felt the funk in my muscles shake out of my body.

4. Cleaning

I’m sure this does not sound fun or positive at all. But it’s something that must be done and requires movement. Once I get over my resistance to anything that resembles work, I can shift my focus. Cleaning my space cleans my energy. Often, I can’t endeavor to straighten my whole apartment or wash all the dishes. But if I can fold a blanket, throw a few papers in the recycling, or even just place a book back on my bookshelf, I benefit. I can also be proud of the tiny step I took to care for myself and my home.

5. Getting lost in a story

This is a coping mechanism I have to be careful with. I often use this to distract myself from my feelings. But, if it’s all I can do, then it is useful. Stories come to us in so many forms – books, podcasts, television. I find something magical about living in a world different than my own. Getting lost in someone else’s life gives my heart, soul and mind a rest. And it’s OK to "just" rest.

Those are just five of the things that help me. There are many more. But I want to hear from you.

What coping mechanisms do you use?

What gets you through your Rough Days?

Let’s share and learn from each other. We are not in this alone.