Joy - Part 3

Here is where I come back and tell you about the amazing lesson I learned from losing Joy. It’s where I talk about meaning and attachment and grief.

Those are all tough, tough things.

It’s been over a year since Joy the hummingbird has been gone from my balcony.

Joy died at an extremely tough time in my life. I was severely depressed. Her arrival had brought such hope, that her death sent me reeling.

I cried for days. I couldn’t understand how this world could be so cruel.

As always though, the rain ends, and the sun breaks through.

How?

I have no simple answer.

All I can tell you is - life is hard and sometimes seems hopeless.

It is messy and full of disappointments.

Sometimes, people disappoint us. Sometimes, circumstances do the disappointing.

I am slowly working towards a life that doesn’t depend on other people or circumstances for happiness.

Maybe the lesson isn’t that everything will be sunshine and roses and hummingbird babies outside your window.

Maybe the lesson is that it will be hard. And you can ask for the grace to bear it and one day look forward.

Loss comes for all of us. And it frightens most of us terribly. Rather than be paralyzed by it, we can allow the pain to move through our bodies and be felt.

Chances are, it will move like molasses. Visiting each one of our pain points before we are able to let it go. It is OK to let this happen.

It’s when we resist it that grief sinks like a stone into our gut.

Losing Joy taught me that this world can be immeasurably beautiful. And immeasurably painful.

But we keep going.

Because life is full of beauty and love and new discoveries.

So today, I count all the other Joys in my life. Even though she no longer lives on my balcony, she exists in my memory and reminds me that there are always new surprises waiting.

The other day, while I sat reading a book, a little yellow bird came and perched on the railing. She just sat with me for a moment. Like a kind wave and a nod – letting me know that even though she won’t stay forever, Joy will be back.

When I look into the corner where her nest used to sit, I no longer see her.

But I still feel Joy.